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Stages of Marriage
Most experts agree that
marriage (and other long-term) relationships tend to evolve in common
stages:
Romance or Honeymoon
Stage
- Couples are swept up in the excitement and romance of their
relationship. Differences seem relatively unimportant (and
can even be exciting), as they focus on discovering each other and
sharing life together. Sexual attraction is usually strong.
Many couples assume that their relationship will naturally work
itself out over time with love as sufficient motivation. Sometimes
this stage lasts through early marriage, but the next 'reality'
stage often sets in even before the wedding and can be the source
of 'cold feet'. (See article on cold feet.)
Reality Stage - Couples
learn more about themselves and each other in situations they haven’t
faced together before. Some of what they encounter may not
be congruent with their pre-existing assumptions and expectations
and may be conflictual. Once married, there is a lot more to disagree
about than during dating or even living together. Some feelings
of disappointment, aloneness and other reactions are normal, along
with a let-down after the activity and excitement of the wedding
period.
Because of challenging
nature of this normal stage, the first two years of marriage have
the highest risk of affairs and divorce. Many couples misinterpret
this normal transition for incompatibility and often worry that
they've made a mistake. They're often embarrassed to admit these
reactions to their spouse, especially if they don't understand that
these reactions are normal.
Often sex seems more
routine as 'partner novelty' diminishes. Some people begin to feel
that the 'spark' has left their relationship. This is another factor
that couples often misinterpret. (See article on married sexuality.)
Couples who don't intentionally
strategize and plan to keep their intimacy strong can begin to feel
alienated and drift apart. This is why it's so important to have
marriage preparation before the wedding or immediately after, before
the more demanding marriage phases begin. It's a lot easier to plan
to keep up the positive momentum of your relationship during the
early phases than after problem patterns and habits have emerged.
Unfortunately, many couples don't understand the need for this until
negativity begins to be more of a factor.
Accommodation Stage - Couples
work to renew their relationship on a down-to-earth basis
by learning about their needs and managing their differences and
areas of conflict.
Transformation or Success
Stage
- Couples enjoy the benefits of a marriage that satisfies
their needs and provides mutual support. This leads to more
profound intimacy over the years as the couple shares the experience
of ups and downs. They work to keep it that way.
It is very important
to the success of your marriage that you understand these normal
stages of marriage development, so you will be prepared for marriage’s
challenges. MST helps to minimize adjustment issues by helping
you to lay the groundwork for mutual understanding and realistic
expectations. The skills and habits that you develop in MST
will facilitate your accommodation work and assist you in transforming
your relationship to reach long-term success. With these stages
in mind, you can see how important it is to begin the process of
preparation early in your relationship.
Click
here for related reading and references list.
Marriage renewal
/ rescue seminar - Click here if you're married more than a year
Prepare
yourselves for more success in the stages of marriage ahead. Consider
attending a Marriage Success Training seminar with your partner.
Click here to learn about the benefits of MST.
Copyright
2003, Patricia S. & Gregory A. Kuhlman. You may copy this article
for non-commercial use provided that no changes are made and this
copyright notice, author credit and stayhitched.com source citation
are included.
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